


Lost It To Trying

by jeongcheolies



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Angst, How Do I Tag, I Don't Even Know, I Made Myself Cry, M/M, Soonhoon - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-08
Updated: 2016-07-08
Packaged: 2018-07-22 09:30:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 823
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7430093
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jeongcheolies/pseuds/jeongcheolies
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Their I love you’s didn’t hold as much meaning as they used to.</p><p>//</p><p>Inspired by Son Lux' song "Lost It To Trying".</p>
            </blockquote>





	Lost It To Trying

It was something they had feared from the start. Though they had always managed to reassure each other, the slow kisses and late night cuddles came as one with the insecurities about their relationship. The latter became the base of their relationship, a slow buzzing undertone, always present. It led to ignorance from both sides.

It was the idea of young love they clung onto. The idea of puppy love. Having met as children and growing into their feelings together during high school. Of course they held onto that feeling as tight as possible, the sentence “we’ve been together since high school” slipping off of their tongues with pride. 

The first I love you had been exchanged when they were 7 years old. They had been running through the new playground when Jihoon accidentally bumped into an older kid. The older kid had started yelling at Jihoon, causing Soonyoung to puff up his chest and tell the guy to apologise. Of course, the older guy didn’t let them off that easy, so as soon as the meanie had raised his fist, Soonyoung had taken Jihoon’s hand and ran towards the nearest exist of the playground. Jihoon had started crying after that, telling Soonyoung he was thankful he had been there, telling him that he loved him for it. Soonyoung had smiled.

The second I love you had been exchanged when they were 13 years old. Soonyoung had forgotten to do his homework, but he knew he would get in huge trouble that time. He had “forgotten” his homework one too many times, and the teachers had had it with him. Jihoon, being the good friend he was, had let Soonyoung copy his homework, with the promise that he would actually do his own homework next time. Soonyoung had hugged Jihoon so tight the latter felt like he was gonna choke, just enough braincells left to hear Soonyoung shout “I love you” into his ear. Jihoon had scoffed.

The third time an I love you had been exchanged was when they were 17. They had been lying on a rooftop, reminiscing on the past, sharing giggles over their silly childhood memories. Eventually, the giggles had died and down and silence enveloped them. Thoughts had been racing in both of their minds, because fuck, their hands were really close, and the other’s breathing sounded so fucking peaceful yet nervewrecking. Soonyoung had been the first to move in minutes, turning his head to the side to look at Jihoon. The stars had been shining over them, and he saw the frequency of Jihoon’s breaths increase. After another minute or so, Jihoon had turned his head as well. They stared into each other’s eyes for what felt like ages. It seemed as if time had stopped. The silence had been broken by an “I love you” slipping out of Soonyoung’s mouth. Jihoon had replied with an “I think I love you too” after getting over the initial shock. That night they had been more vulnerable than ever, exploring a whole new part of what no longer was just a platonic relationship.

Then college rolled around the corner. Sharing spaces of two cubic meters with no clothes involved and locking lips in college locker rooms, after Soonyoung had finished doing whatever sport he was invested with at that point, had become part of their regular routine. Approximately a thousand I love you’s had been exchanged by the time they started to have more arguments. They would fight over the smallest things, but they would never break up. The thought of their relationship became more important to them than the relationship itself. Their sex slowly started to lose passion, and their I love you’s became muffled by tension and desperation. 

Soon enough they were sharing intimacy with other bodies, “truth” a concept lost somewhere along the line. Nearly all the words they spoke turned into lies, yet still they wouldn’t break up. They kept trying and trying, not wanting to let go of what they had, because not only would they lose their romantic relationship, but the platonic relationship would never return. They had too much history built up together, how could they possibly give up now?

Though really, could you still call it a romantic relationship if the feelings had left. Even their kisses and their cuddles were no longer romantic acts, but just another thing like brushing your teeth. You just do it because you feel like you have to. What used to be lovemaking was now just a simple fuck.

Still, Soonyoung wasn’t exactly surprised when one morning after they had fucked, Jihoon’s stuff was no longer around. 

Jihoon must’ve reached his breaking point, the hollow shell of Soonyoung’s room screaming at Jihoon to leave. 

Soonyoung felt in his heart that the younger wouldn’t come back, ever. What they used to have, they no longer had. Jihoon had given up.

They had lost it to trying.


End file.
